August 2022

On the door opening into hell hangs a sign: “Abandon hope all you who enter here!” Each AA meeting could put up a different sign: “Hope is found here!”

Drinking, I despaired of ever being able to stop hurting the people I loved. When he was 9, my older son yelled at me, “I hate you and don’t want you to be my Dad anymore!” That was exactly what I had said at the same age to my alcoholic father. Was I doomed to follow in his footsteps until I died of cirrhosis like he did?

It seemed impossible never to drink again or to get people to trust me or not to wake up in stark terror in the middle of the night. I had broken my wife’s trust so often, why would she ever believe me again? My selfish, impulsive decisions led to a mound of debt and no clear plan for paying it off. Was my future ruined?

In AA, people told me, “If you want what we have, do what we do.” Could I stop insisting I could “fix myself by myself?” Was I willing to wrestle seriously with the matter of faith and a higher power? When I started admitting my part of each problem, there started to be solutions. “Trust God, clean house, help others.” I heard others describe what they had done to mend relationships with estranged children. Some people had even more financial amends to make than I had, but – a step at a time – they were now debt-free. A promise was repeated over and over that I could build a sane and useful sobriety. I didn’t believe the compulsion to drink could be removed; but slowly it happened.

I still get afraid, still can be riddled with doubts about the future. I am near retirement; will I have enough to live on? I have loved ones who have serious, deteriorating illnesses. Will I just say, “to hell with it,” and start drinking if I lose one more person?

My AA friends remind me that I can’t handle it all alone; and I no longer have to. We’re better together. We have each other, a Higher Power, and a way out of hell by continuing to do the 12 Steps. We now have hope. And no one can take it away from us, if we keep doing this program a day at a time.

-Kevin P., Northside Group

“I hope this works!” is what I said to myself many years ago just before taking a deep breath and walking into my first AA meeting. It was a noon meeting at the Christ Church Cathedral in downtown Cincinnati.

God had given me the gift of desperation for change after 25 years of being a drunk. I no longer wanted to live that part of my life, but did not know how to live without the alcohol. It had been both my best friend and my worst enemy since age 16.

So trembling I entered that room. A man named Bill W. who was setting up for the meeting asked if I had a big book. I said, “What’s that?” Bill handed me a soft-bound 3rd edition and said, “You are gonna need this,” as he gave me an encouraging pat on
the arm. A few minutes later, a woman named Debbie R. along with several others entered the room. I had no idea at that moment that the following week Debbie would become my first AA sponsor and for the next eight years I would spend almost every weekday lunch hour with these people.

Hope was born in this alcoholic, and willingness to do the simple things suggested by my new lunchtime friends hopped onboard. After all, I thought, these people were sober and happy. I wanted what they had.

I quickly learned as I worked the steps that I had a whole lot more to accomplish than just not drinking. This was after I was told by a wise old timer that I needed to change only one thing … EVERYTHING! Could I really do that? I didn’t know, and was so
frightened at the possibility of being a failure in AA. Thankfully, I learned that there is no such thing as failure as long as I’m taking step by step and staying sober.

My first sponsor also told me that I should remain humble, willing, open-minded and teachable, so I tried to look at each twenty-four hours as a new opportunity for growth. I still do that, after all these years. Why not? That works!

-Gail C., Hebron Tuesday Night

Prior to the Covid pandemic, what I knew about zoom was on a computer─ to zoom in or out. During the pandemic I used Zoom, and I see the need for Zoom meetings because some of our members need to stay home for health reasons. So Zoom meetings surely have their purpose. bit I don't think Bill and Bob would be Zoomers only.

Is Zoom an easier, softer way? Does Zoom allow me to be lazy? Does it make me lazy in a way that … I got mine, you get yours (selfish and self-centered). I pick up people who need to go to a meeting that don't have a car, license or physical disability. Isn't there more to it than telling a new person here is the app and the codes?

What about the newcomer? What about the Responsibility Statement: “When anyone anywhere reaches out for help I want the hand of AA to be there and for that I am responsible”? Who is the GSR or intergroup rep? Who makes the coffee? Who is the treasurer? “We have no dues or fees but we do have expenses.” Don't we need to be put in personal contact with some of us to increase our numbers. (Carry the message)

Are you ON a meeting or are you IN a meeting?

In live meetings, life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends-this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. (BB, Ch. 7 Working with Others)

The Lord’s Prayer, holding hands or a hug. Personal recovery depends on AA unity. When I first came to AA, I was told it is where two or more are gathered.

I believe Zoom long term will be like another crazy word I heard abrakadabra and poof you were gone. Are you Zooming In (closer) or Zooming Out (further away) from AA?

-Mark L the Florida Flounder

Did you ever see the TV commercial about the baker who gets up in the middle of the night and says “Make the Donuts,” then he drags himself out the door. Then he does it again the next night and so on like he’s part of the movie “Groundhog Day.” He’s in a rut, but mostly doesn’t realize that he is. This is how my life was. but instead of making the donuts I was busy wrecking my life and the lives of those around me. I was in an alcohol induced “Groundhog Day” with no hope and no real understanding of what my life was, who I was hurting or what it could be.

Then I was introduced to Alcoholic Anonymous and very slowly realized that I not only didn’t have to take a drink anymore if I didn’t want to, but also that my attitude towards everything in life could change for the better. There was a glimmer of hope on the horizon. Though to really have a belief that this program will work for you requires that you 100% give in to Step 1. That happened for me at the Promises Club on a Sunday morning when a guy I didn’t know, nor can I remember his name, gave my lead. I was totally hooked and I left that meeting feeling dazed and wondering what to do next. Fortunately, I saw my sponsor the next night, got directions to start reading the Big Book and we started working the Steps.

The part of this story, and a lot of AA stories, is that I cannot for the life of me tell you when I knew my life was different or what I did to make it different. Of course, I had begun to stop stealing, lying and cheating (that obviously helped), but more than that it was a dependence on a Higher Power, realizing that I’m kinda okay in my skin and actually being able to trust another human being. I don’t need to prove myself very much anymore.

What helps keep me comfortable in my skin is many things (mostly AA). I did a 4th and 5th Step (twice), I’ve heard a few 5th Steps, go to meetings regularly, work with others and more that anything I keep trying to build my relationship with my Higher Power, whom I call God.

I am trying to create a new “Groundhog Day’ these days that consists of trusting God, helping others, and not taking myself too seriously.

-Mick S., Hardrock

It’s ok to be me. I am enough.

Decades of believing that everyone was smarter, prettier, better than me took a toll on my self-esteem. It wasn’t until age 46 that I started to realize It limited me in all areas of my life.

I remember feeling shy as a child, always wanting to be under the wing of or hanging on to the sails of my older sister. For a large part of my life, I’ve felt less than, inadequate, afraid to be in the front row, feeling like an outsider. I was trapped in a self-inflicted and never-ending prison of doubt.

As early as second grade my teacher told my mom to stop sending me to school in dresses, because I played trucks with the boys in the parking lot at recess. I spent a great deal of time playing four square or basketball with the boys. I was intimidated by the girls in my class but with the boys I felt accepted. I didn’t feel the need to compare myself with them, so I was able to just be me.

As a third grader, I recall wanting so much to be a part of that when a girl said if I ate some of her orange peel, she would share it with me. Third grade! Wow what a long time ago, and it is mind blowing that I remember it like it was yesterday. But if you liked me, I liked me too.

As years progressed, I became a chameleon. I learned to be whatever you needed or wanted to me. Your opinion of me mattered most and I spent years trying to please you, regardless of what it cost me. Be it with the athletes, the middle-school band, the track team or the partiers, I ‘became’ who I thought you wanted me to be thereby feeding the self-doubt.

I became a quitter. I stopped before I failed in many areas of my life. I didn’t think I was smart enough to go to college, so I worked hard in my business classes in high school so that I could graduate and go to work. I nailed the job interview and was employed quickly. I learned that I was excellent at delivering great customer service – so finally, my character defect of people pleasing was being put to good use! But then again, I’d sit in a room of colleagues with degrees and certifications feeling, once again, less than.

It was at this stage of my life that I found relief for my anxiety in the form of alcohol and drugs. It didn’t take long for me to become dependent on them and it became a problem in all areas of my life. Failed relationships, lost jobs, hurting those who loved me most emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. The things that finally gave me relief from my feelings of inadequacy were killing me and destroying everything I held dear. After 30 years, I finally threw up my hands and said “NO, I’ve had enough!” Hope, for me, started that day.

Thankfully I found a solution to this self-imposed misery and got involved in the Northern Kentucky recovery community. I have learned so much in these 15 years. I’ve learned that God doesn’t make junk and that we all have a purpose, and our job is to find that purpose. I’ve learned that my past is my greatest asset – a light I can share with others to bring them out of their darkness. I’ve learned acceptance, tolerance, how to show love and be loved. I’ve learned that the only things I truly have control over is my attitude, my actions, and my thinking. I’ve learned that no one will change until they want to change. I’ve learned it is not my job to interfere with someone’s growth – their lessons are their lessons to learn. I’ve learned that I am happiest when I’m serving others and helping to make their lives fuller. I’ve learned that my happiness is dependent on me and my level of gratitude and acceptance. I’ve learned that fear is a liar. I’ve learned that my expectations are directly related to my level of serenity. I’ve learned it’s best to allow others to hold their own space and that my time is better spent in my lane as there is still much work to be done here. I’ve learned that it truly is better to give than to receive. I’ve learned that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and that I should cherish every encounter and take something from it. I’ve learned that I can best guide and help mold the next generation by allowing them to be themselves and by showing them how to cope in an ever-changing world that demands so much of us and allows so little time for self-reflection, recharging and healing.

Imagine my surprise when a trusted business friend learned I was retiring and wanted to bring me into her organization. It took weeks for me to wrap my head around the fact that someone sought me out and wanted me for what I bring to the table. I may not have a college degree, but the life experiences and my ability to overcome adversity and come out shining on the other side of the darkness is something that can’t be taught in a school. My scars have a voice today.

There are times I wish I had found this way of life decades sooner than I did. I’m sometimes jealous of those who find ‘the answer’ in their 20’s and 30’s. My very wise advisors help me to realize that everything happens for a reason and that all my struggles were used as building blocks to make me the woman I am today.

I AM a contributing member of society. I AM a good employee, friend, daughter, sister, mom, grandma, and Mamaw. I AM needed, wanted, loved, respected, and valued by my friends and family. I AM funny, nurturing, loving and dependable. I AM ‘Rosie’ as I was called in my younger years – I finally see the glass half full - with my rose-colored glasses firmly in place. I AM ok just the way I am with all my flaws and warts. I AM enough — And so are you.

-Rhonda O., World Famous Florence Group

I was in a very dark place during my using days and had no hope until I found a connection with a group of people who provided me with a sense of peace. This fellowship of people who are living a life without being trapped in their addictions gave me HOPE. For me, living a life in recovery and free of addictions is like an extended education where we are all teachers as well as students. In fact, most days I feel like I am living a life of “Discovery” more than “Recovery”. The truth is that when any of us are free from the bondage of active addictions, there are no limits or restrictions on what kind of life we can have. When we let go of what we think it is or what we think it should be, and have faith in our higher power, it instills hope.

As time goes by I find reminders everywhere that there is hope in sobriety- so much so, that I don’t even think the word “Sober” does it justice. I mean, let’s face it, it’s kind of a boring word, right? Although being sober is beyond amazing, the word “sober” is simply not nearly attractive enough for all that it entails. There should be words that are way more captivating to truly define the miracle of sobriety. A good friend and mentor likes to say, “We do the ridiculous, and get the miraculous” and I love that, it really resonates for me. I would love to rebrand the word “sober” into something more befitting to a life that is humorously, joyfully, and outlandishly free.

The bottom line is that the ‘Principle of Hope’ provides the faith and trust that are necessary to face the many challenges, obstacles, joys, and miracles of life in recovery. As I have heard many times in the rooms of AA, I hope that in sharing this with you that our collective spiritual experience helps others understand the principles. As they say, God doesn’t give you more than you can handle . . . but He may give you more than you can handle on your own. So, if you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or recovery don’t hesitate to reach out to me. It is my wish and my hope that your life can be ridiculously miraculous too!

-reprinted from AA Principles Blog